| When I was a young
nurse's aide, I made sure that the beds were all made. With a face staying deadpan, I emptied each bedpan, Then passed out the warm lemonade. |
Absent-minded I am to a
fault. Where the hell did I put the damned salt? And the pepper is where? Did it vanish in air? Where's the beef? Dinner's ground to a halt! |
| Jackie Robinson's now up at bat.
I sure hope he'll triple like that. Off third he'll then dance (Might as well take a chance) With the sleek running style of a cat. Anyone not old enough to have seen Jackie Robinson dancing off third in an attempt to steal home missed one of the greatest joys of baseball. |
There once was a charming
baboon, An ape who could carry a tune. Through many monsoons And on long afternoons, He'd sing while his mate played bassoon. Not well, of course, but still.... |
| It was "Baa!" my sheep cried as she
ran. Was a wolf in the fold—or a man? She just wanted attention, But I gave condescension— "Ewe only do that 'cause ewe can." |
Scent of incense and charcoal that
please Waft in on an ocean-borne breeze. Back to Bali's my goal; It's the isle of my soul. My dreams tend to wax Balinese. |
| I intrude on your
discourse—"Ahem!"— With a subsequent thought that's a gem. I'm not being rude With this short interlude Since I needed to clear out my phlegm. |
Absentminded I am to a fault. I forget there's a pole when I vault. I have this tattoo Lest I lose my name, too, Since forgetful is just my gestalt. |
| In my usual rounds place to place,
I lost track of my attaché case. It held code that I wrote To amend '04's vote. I should soon find myself in disgrace. Reference is to the touch-screen voting machines used in the 2004 U.S. presidential election, which many experts felt were vulnerable to tampering. |
I'm a creature thought very
elusive. I find contact with others intrusive. So please go away Without further delay— Your presence is base and abusive. This limerick is dedicated to legendary screen star Greta Garbo (1905-1990), who vanted to be alone. |
| From the ooze at the bottom awaking,
Tossing sleep away, shivering, shaking, Climbing up toward the light Where wait those who seek fright— Nessie's workday begins at dawn's breaking. "Nessie," as you doubtless know, is a term of endearment for the Loch Ness monster. |
Aladdin was surely depraved. I was plucked from my lamp and enslaved. The despotic young thug Sought to fly on a rug. You'd think he'd be better behaved. Is this the first limerick written by a genie? |
| My mouth hangs wide open, agape.
I look like a Barbary ape. Some flies could swoop in, Then crawl out on my chin. Don't catch me on videotape! |
I'm truly a longtime admirer Of historian William L. Shirer. The Reich rose and fell As the facts he did tell, In prose to which I'm an aspirer. |
| I sleep in a cold, dirty alley.
I eat in a homeless men's galley. But here between walls, Each eve as night falls, I can dream of how green was my valley. |
I am, as they say, all agasp. I ruined my Maidenform's clasp. Now going cold turkey, Just one side is perky. The other is out of my grasp. |
| I am, don't you know, an artiste,
Once a guest at a grand White House feast. Baryshnikov danced, And Seabiscuit pranced, While the national debt just increased. As an artiste, I'm famous for my public performances, although sometimes what I do in them is indefinable. |
The Arthurian legend has knights,
A magic sword, rivals, and fights. But my flag's unfurlin' For marvelous Merlin. Can you picture him, bearded, in tights? Just thinking of Merlin and how he educated the young King Arthur makes me want to go back and re-read The Once and Future King. |
| A musical man from afar Excelled at acoustic guitar. He felt speakers a sin That produced only din, And amps he thought simply bizarre. |
His body was rather convex. He had problems procuring good sex. His consid'rable girth Made him subject to mirth— His friends called him "Adipose Rex." |
| My wife is a young Amerasian.
She adheres to the Buddhist persuasion. Her Dad is from Thailand, Her Mom from Rhode Island. We speak the same tongue on occasion. |
You needn't go sound the alert.
My actions are hardly covert. You need no alarm. I mean you no harm. I only came here for dessert. |
| Just once in the Roman arena, I was sent in to face a hyena. I distracted the beast (His hostility ceased) With Hyena Chow made by Purina. |
Here's an anagram (not my devising),
And it doesn't need any revising. Do you find it odd That "dog" becomes "god"? Well, I find it quite unsurprising. |
Copyright © Naomi J. Kahn,
2004-2005.
No text from this site may be used elsewhere without written
permission from the author.