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You have a kiddie wading pool in the yard, but no small
children.
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Lintwheels are on your shopping list every week.
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You have baby gates permanently installed at strategic
places around the house, but no babies.
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The trash basket is more or less permanently installed in
the kitchen sink, to keep the dog out of it while you're at work.
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You can't see out the passenger side of the windshield
because there are nose-prints all over the inside.
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Poop has become a source of conversation for you and your
significant other.
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You refer to yourselves as Mommy and Daddy.
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Your dog sleeps with you.
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You have 32 different names for your dog. Most make no
sense, but she understands.
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You have little songs that you sing to your dog, and she
always wags when you sing, even though you can't carry a tune.
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Your dog eats cat poop, but you still let her kiss you (but
not immediately afterward, of course).
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You like people who like your dog. You despise people
who don't.
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You carry dog biscuits in your purse or pocket at all times.
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You talk about your dog the way other people talk about
their kid.
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You sign and send birthday/anniversary/Christmas cards from
your dog.
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You put an extra blanket on the bed so your dog can be
comfortable.
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You'd rather stay home on Saturday night and cuddle your dog
than go to the movies with your sweetie.
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You go to the pet supply store every Saturday because it's
one of the very few places that lets you bring your dog inside, and your dog
loves to go with you.
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You open your purse, and that big bunch of baggies you use
for pick-ups pops out.
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You get an extra-long hose on your shower-massage just so
you can use it to wash your dog in the tub, without making the dog sit hip-deep
in water.
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You don't think it's the least bit strange to stand in the
back yard chirping "Meg, pee!" over and over again, while Meg tends to
play and forget what she's out there for (but what your neighbors think of your
behavior is yet another story).
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You and the dog come down with something like flu on the
same day. Your dog sees the vet while you settle for an over-the-counter remedy
from the drugstore.
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Your dog is getting old and arthritic, so you go buy lumber
and build her a small staircase so she can climb onto the bed by herself.
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Your license plate or license plate frame mentions your dog.
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You match your furniture/carpet/clothes to your dog.
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You have your dog's picture on your office desk (but no one
else's).
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You lecture people on responsible dog ownership every chance
you get.
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You hang around the dog section of your local
bookstore.
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You skip breakfast so you can walk your dog in the morning
before work.
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You are the only idiot out walking in the pouring rain, but
your dog needs her walk.
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You don't go to happy hours with co-workers any more because
you need to go home and see your dog.
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Your parents refer to your pet as their granddog, remember
her birthday, and send her greeting cards and gifts.
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Your friend's dog acts as Best Dog at your wedding.
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Your weekend activities are planned around taking your dog
for a hike (both days).
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You keep an extra water dish in your second-floor bedroom,
in case your dog gets thirsty at night (after all, her other dish is way down
on the first floor...).
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Your freezer contains more dog bones than anything else.
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You never completely finish a piece of steak or chicken (so
your dog gets a taste, too).
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You shovel a zig-zag path in the back yard snow so your dog
can reach all her favorite spots.
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You avoid vacuuming the house as long as possible because
your dog is afraid of the vacuum cleaner.
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You keep eating even after finding a dog hair in your pasta.
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You make popcorn just to play catch with your dog.
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You carry pictures of your dog in your wallet instead of
pictures of your parents, siblings, significant other, or anyone else remotely
human.
And the number one reason you know you're a dog
person:
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