Did you know that beagles are
poets?
(At least they write
doggerel.)
Molly Eng started it with her ‘Going to the
Woods’ poem— sniffing in the woods on a summer
evening
the woods are lovely, dark, and stink!
my brothers have a
lake to drink!
my eyes are bright, my harness pink,
my eyes are bright,
my harness pink.
Then ME-ME McGurk dictated one to her
dogmother— I am ME-ME, I am sweet;
I like to pee on Waynie's
feet;
And here's some really special news—
I like to pee on
Waynie's shoes.
And then there was no stopping them! From Miss Bean
Raymond— I like to snooze, I like to snack.
I like to get
scritches along my back.
I look quite sad and very pathetic,
I'm a
little bit chubby— not at all athletic.
I never get enough to eat.
I'm grumpy with every dog I meet.
I love to sleep, but I love food
more,
My Mom doesn't care if I potty on the floor.
From Burt, Lilly Bird, and Ray Ray
Azevedo—Our Secret Beagle Lives
We three beagles
Burt,
Lilly & Ray
Like Ma to think
We sleep all day
Unknown to
her
That when she leaves
We really get busy
And roll up our sleeves
The furniture is mussed
The yard rearranged
Barking our heads
off
As if we're deranged
Cats must be warned
Holes must be dug
We must not forget
To pee on the rug
Soon Ma returns home
With groceries she's bought
Better clean up
The havoc we wrought
We wiggle and dance
So happy to see
Our Ma with those bags
Of delicious groceries
She'll never know
Our true secret world
When innocently sleeping
On sofa we're curled
Tomorrow we will
And will not revise
The continued deceit
Our secret beagles lives
From Nancy Gray for Bayley Gray—Bayley has a
little lamb
Its fleece is white as snow
Inside it has a squeaker
And it must surely go.
And limericks from Meg Beagle Gooddog—There
once was a beaglet named Meg
Who liked to have cheese with her egg;
Carrots were fine,
And she didn't mind wine,
But for shrimp on the
barbie she'd beg.
I am MEG, I am cute, I am small;
My life, oh my
friends, is a ball;
I waggle my feet,
I play and I eat,
And I have
lots of chutspah (that's gall).
I have siblings named Casey and
Zoey
And Phoebe and Jenny and Joey,
And then there is Jack,
Completing our pack,
Though we've cousins named Halsey and Roey.
I am MEG, I'm the world's cutest pup;
My worldview is happy and up;
My tail wags like crazy;
I sleep when I'm lazy;
And if Mom offers
food I say "Yup."
(curtseying)
From Trixie Burns—Trixie is my name
Food
filching is my game,
With a steak, alone, leave me be,
I'll chew it up
quick, wait and see,
And mama, the kitties she'll blame!
From SnoopyLou Burns—I am an old beagle,
My name's SnoopyLou
I like to pee on the floor
And eat kitty poo,
When I sleep in the bed,
Mom sometimes thinks I'm dead,
Till I wake
up and holler Arooooo!
From Adam Burns—Adam the agile is what I am
called,
I climbed up the A-frame and I never falled,
I'm cute and I'm
quick
I almost never get sick,
But when I barf on my mom, she's
appalled!
From Homer Burns—Homer's my name and I love
my house,
I'm old, I sleep a lot, and I'm quiet as a mouse,
Since I'm
old and I sure like to sleep all the time,
Pardon me, but I'd much rather
sleep than make rhymes!
From Sophie Burns—I'm Sophie the Beagle,
I'm red and I'm white,
When I jump on old ladies' laps,
I give them
a fright.
Though I'm getting quite old,
I'm still kinda bold,
But I
sleep rather good through the night!
From Sonny Burns—I'm Sonny the black dog
And though I stagger a bit,
Don't feel too sorry for me,
Cuz I'm a
mean little shit!
I bite Homer a lot,
Cuz I'm a mean little snot,
And to show him I like him
I don't hurt him a bit!
(or somethin'
like that!)
Once again from ME-ME McGurk, this time
self-typed—THE BEAGLES OF PERDITION
THE OUTLOOK WASN'T
BRILLIANT FOR THE BEAGLES 2 THAT DAY.
THE RAIN WAS FALLING STEADILY AND MOM
HAD GONE AWAY.
AND SO WHEN ROSIE FELL ASLEEP, AND QUIET OVERCAME,
THE
BEAGLES OF PERDITION BEGAN TO PLAY THE GAME.
"ME FIRST" I YELLED, "OUT
OF MY WAY! GIVE ME ALL THE BEST!"
AND BUDDY SNEERED AND TOOK IT ALL AND
GAVE ME WHAT WAS LEFT!
AND SO WHEN MOM CAME HOME FROM THERE AND LOOKED
AROUND THE ROOM,
I COULD SEE (AND SO COULD BUD) THE RISING OF OUR DOOM
WE'RE STAYING IN OUR CRATES FOR NOW, THE BETTER TO SURVIVE,
AND MOM
IS DRINKING HEAVILY AND CRYING,"SAKES ALIVE."
WELL, FURNITURE CAN BE
REPLACED, AND POOPY CARPETS, TOO!
BUT THE BEAGLES OF PERDITION ARE GIV'N TO
JUST A FEW!
From Zoey Gooddog, an autobiographical poem dedicated
to Rusty Blue Eng—i'll tell you all where i'm at—
i'm a brat.
i am completely diabolique—
that's my technique.
being
evil isn't just a fad—
i am bad.
i am totally adorable—
but i'm deplorable.
i can leap high in the sky—
if i try.
and when it comes to stealing food—
i'm in the mood.
i
may be a beagle aristocrat—
but i'm a brat.
From Phoebe Munchkin Gooddog—Nobody used to
want me,
And I was very sad;
Now my parents want me,
And I am very
glad.
My parents love my ticking
On my back and on my feet;
They kiss me on my little nose
And give me many a treat.
I know
I'm here forever
And this is where I belong;
I'm a happy adopted
beagle,
And that's the end of my song.
From Casey Michael Gooddog, an intellectual senior
beagle— (freely adapted from a reputable source)
Is
this a beagle post I see before me,
The posting toward my eyes? Come, let
me read thee.
I deleted thee fast, and yet I see thee still.
Art thou
not, errant message, sensible
To feeling as to sight? or art thou but
A
posting of the mind, a false creation,
Proceeding from my dog-engendered
brain?
I see thee yet, in post as palpable
As this which is now
deleted.
Thou understands me the way that I was going;
And such an old
PC I was to use.
Mine eyes are made the fools o' the beagles list.
Or
else worth all the rest. I read thee still;
And on thy post and 'puter
gouts of blood,
Which was not so before. There's no such post
It is the
off-topic post which informs
Thus to mine eyes. Now o'er Cyberspace
Poesy seems dead, and wicked flames abuse
Arooooo!; now we celebrate
List Mom's offerings; and wither'd rhyming,
Alarum'd by her excesses,
the unsub,
Whose kill's her watch, thus with her stealthy outcry,
With
all our vanishing posts, towards her design
Moves like a ghost. Thou sure
and firm-set poems,
Hear not my taps which way they post, for fear
Thy
very pixels prate of my whereabouts
And take the present horror from the
list,
Which now suits with it. While I post, List Mom scoffs;
And to
the heat of posts too cold breath gives.
[a bell rings]
I go,
and it is done; the List Mom invites me.
Hear it not, beagles, for it is a
knell
That summons Arooooo! to heaven or to hell.
[exit]
From Ronnie (‘Edgar Allan’) Rosenberg for
Rocky Rosenberg—The Rocky
Once upon a midnight dreary
As I pondered weak and weary
In those glorious days of yore.
Suddenly there came a snapping
And the sound of teeth a gapping
Then I got up from my napping
To a sight I've seen before.
There upon the floor was snarling
One male beagle, not so darling.
There upon the tile floor.
Blood was dripping, skin was ripping
Amid crying, very gripping.
What could be so filled with gore?
'Twas the Rocky on the kitchen floor.
So I sighed, and gloved,
approached it.
Muzzle in hand I came upon him
Remembering those bites
before.
In not so glorious days of yore.
Eyes ablazing, Rock was
crazing
Barking, growling, snapping, dazing.
Nothing said to him was
fazing.
He had bit in tribulation
He was floating in elation.
All at once he charged to get free
He escaped and lunged to face me
Cut it out, I screamed, and chased he
Down and out the basement door.
To the bathroom, you are banished.
Until all this wrath has vanished.
You are banned forevermore.
He had won and he was happy.
Blood
was spattered, ears were tattered
Anal gland excretions splattered
Blood and piss and poop and gore.
Not defeated he retreated
Back
behind the bathroom door.
Ronnie's mopping, blood's a sopping
All
around the tile floor.
Rock prevailed again once more.
Haiku from Maggie Bolitho for Cami and
Cotter— Jasmine leaves blow.
Cami wakes and sniffs.
The bush
beckons. Time to escape!
Days lengthen.
Dinner is at sunset.
Will
Cotter starve before it's time?
From Hutch Sanders— A one and a
two....
(Arooooo) What I want
(Arooooo) Baby, you got it
(Arooooo) What I need
(Arooooo) I know that you've got it
(Arooooo) All
I'm askin'
(Arooooo) Is for a little biscuit when you come home (just a
little bit)
Hey baby (just a little bit) when you get home
(Just a
little bit) baby (just a little bit)
I ain't got no treats while you're
gone
Ain't got no treats (arooooo) but I want 'em (arooooo)
All I'm
askin' (arooooo)
Is for a little biscuit when you come home (just a little
bit)
Baby (just a little bit) when you get home (just a little bit)
Yeah (just a little bit)
I'm about to give you a wag of my tail
And
all I'm askin' is to open that pail
Yeah, give me my biscuit
When you
get home (just a, just a, just a, just a)
Yeah baby (just a, just a, just
a, just a)
When you get home (just a little bit)
Yeah (just a little
bit)
Arooooo, those treats (arooooo)
I'll sit up for them
(arooooo)
And guess what? (arooooo)
I'll also shake for them
(arooooo)
All I want you to do (arooooo) for me
Is give it to me when
you get home (bis, bis, bis, bis)
Yeah baby (bis, bis, bis, bis)
Give
it to me (biscuit, just a little bit)
When you get home, now (just a little
bit)
B I S C U I T
Find out what it means to me
B I S C U I
T
Right now, pitch it to me.
Oh (pitch it to me, pitch it to
me,
pitch it to me, pitch it to me)
A little biscuit (pitch it to me,
pitch it to me,
pitch it to me, pitch it to me)
Yeah, babe (just a
little bit)
A little biscuit (just a little bit)
I don't get tired
(just a little bit)
I keep on tryin' (just a little bit)
I need it now
(just a little bit)
And I ain't lyin' (just a little bit)
(bis, bis,
bis) biscuit
When you come home (bis, bis, bis, bis)
I got to have
(just a little bit)
A little biscuit (just a little bit)
Another from Hutch Sanders— The Bone Not
Eaten
Two bones were placed in a vittles vault
And sorry I could
not get to either
I, as a beagle, long I stood
And wished for both as
long as I could
I knocked the vault over on the kitchen floor
And nudged
it and rolled it a bit
And having perhaps the better chance
I pawed it
and gave it a hit
Though as for that the bones inside
Had likely crumbled
a bit
And both that morning equally lay
Inside the vault as I did
try
"Oh, I want them now," I did bay
Yet knowing how tight the lid was
that day
I doubted if I could pry
I shall be telling this with a
sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two bones were placed in a vault, and
I
I rolled it, and pushed it, and nudged
But all I really needed to
do
Was to give 'em my sad brown eyes
From Bunny Dodson— Ernie
(plagiarized from—er, um, inspired by—Edna St. Vincent
Millay)
To what purpose, Ernie, do you return again?
Silliness
is not enough.
You can no longer quiet me with the whiteness
Of little
bones filled with peanut butter.
I know what I know.
The sun is hot on my
neck as I observe
The spikes of your claws in the dirt.
The smell of the
earth is good.
It is apparent that there is no death.
But what does that
signify?
Not only under ground are the brains of rabbits
Eaten by
maggots,
Life in itself
Is nothing,
A destuffed plush toy, an empty
food dish.
It is not enough that yearly, down this hill,
Ernie
Comes
like an idiot, babbling and strewing bones filled with peanut butter.
Again from Bunny Dodson, dedicated to Aunt
Dawn—Afternoon With a Beagle
(with help again from
Edna St. Vincent Millay)
I will be the gladdest beagle
Under the sun!
I will chase a hundred
rabbits
And not catch one.
I will
look at deer and foxes
With quiet eyes,
Watch the coyotes play,
And the quail
rise.
And when my mistress begins to whistle
For me to come home,
I will run to her,
And no longer roam!
Chuckie Morgan and Hutch Sanders
collaborated—On the road again,
Chuck and I can't wait to get on
the road again,
Goin' to dog shows, seeing our friends,
We can't wait
to get on the road again.
On the road again,
Just can't wait to get
on the road again;
The life we love is aroooing with our friends
And we
can't wait to get on the road again.
On the road again
Sniffin'
places that we've never been
Seein' things that we may never see again,
And we can't wait to get on the road again.
And again from Casey Michael Gooddog, after his vet
called him ‘amazing’ and he was told of a hymn called ‘Amazing
Case’—Amazing Case
Amazing Case! How sweet the sound
That saved a pup like me!
I once was lost, but now am found;
Was
caged, but now I'm free.
'Twas Mom who taught my heart to soar,
And
Dad my fears relieved;
Whate'er I wanted, they gave me more,
In the
life that I achieved.
Through many dangers, toils and snares,
I
have already come;
My parents brought me safe thus far,
In my forever
home.
And Molly Eng went back to the woods—
sniffing in the woods on a september afternoon
the sun is hot
the sky is blue
my brother found some bambi poo
he got a bath and i
did too
he got a bath and i did too.
(sighing....)
A sad eulogy by Spritzer Fuller for her sister
Loodi—Loodi left, I don't know why.
I think she went up in the
sky.
I whine and pine and look so sad,
That I get lots of cookies which
ain't so bad.
From Rusty Blue Eng—Furry
Vacuum
little furry thing
chugging across the deck,
taking up
more peanuts than could ever fit,
your head gets bigger and bigger!
silent vacuum can i empty your bag?
From Roodi Otterson—Roodi’s Song (to
the tune of ‘Love Me Tender’)
Once there were holes in the
fence
And I could get free.
I could worm my way outside,
no fence
could quite hold me.
Then my dad bought rabbit fence
Folded it into
an "L"
Now I can get out no more,
though bunnies I can smell.
Dad put down the rabbit fence
wired it up real well,
then he
put down great big rocks,
thinks what he's done is swell
Solid
fence! Barrier cruel!
Keeps me close to home.
Dad is really proud as
punch.
No longer can I roam.
Mummy gave my dad a hug,
she
thinks he's really neat.
He fixed all the blasted fence
Three hundred
fifty feet.
Now I'm stuck, just here at home
I cannot run away,
but maybe I will find a hole
on some happy day.
Rotten fence!
Horrid fence!
Spoiling all my fun!
If I could find a new way out
then I'd really run.
Mummy hugs and kisses me,
Daddy pats my
head.
They think that when I ran away
they had lots to dread.
But I loved the woods and fields,
loved the briars and brush
running free o'er rocks and hills
gave me such a rush.
Tall,
stong fence! Barrier cruel!
(Though there's much room to play!)
Still
I'll work when they can't see
and try to run away.
(There must be a
way.
I want to chase and play
Every single day.
No matter what they
say.
At chipmunks I will bay.
Before I'm old and gray.
I know I'll
be O.K.
I'll take off when I may.
I'll make those parents pay.
There must be a way.
Beagles cry "Hooray!")
From Rusty Blue Eng— Little Feathered
Beagle
little sweetie bird boy/girl
we'll all miss you a lot
you
laid an egg at 20 plus
and put us all in shock.
birdie with a sense of
humor
little beagle with two wings
papageno, papagena, poppycock!
find the beagles at the bridge,
all you have to do is knock,
cuz your place in our hearts
is solid as a rock.
little feathered
brother/sister,
our sweet little talking friend
papageno, papagena,
poppycock!
From Phoebe Munchkin Gooddog—
BARKING!
I'm barking cuz I love to bark;
It's me, Phoebe. Listen!
Hark!
I have a great big healthy "WOOF";
Mommy hears it and says "Oof!"
The neighbors hear me and want help
Because I don't just give a yelp,
But I've a great big wholesome bark
At which all quiet folks remark.
Mommy calls me "Little Stinker"
But I'm for sure a barking thinker.
I think of food, and then I bark;
It's me. Phoebe. Listen! Hark!
From the Burns Pack—The Tennessee Poop
Patrol
We are the Tennessee Poop Patrol,
With breath so smelly and
foul;
We like to snack on doggie crap,
That stuff that comes from the
bowel.
Our mom gets mad when we bark in her face
After cleaning the yard
up in this fine place,
But we do it to please her, I know that we do,
We're the Poop Patrol, we patrol the poo!
And Molly Eng went back to the woods yet
again—trees and bacon and things to sniff
the trees are
big but we are little.
my brother rusty went to piddle.
he doesn't see
me hiding here
to sniff the bacon on the griddle.
the woods are
sweet with chipmunk hair.
i hope i get to smell a bear!
my tummy's wet
but I don't care
my tummy's wet but I don't care!
Copyright
© 2003-04 by Naomi J. Kahn and the members of Arooooo! |
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